


The Boy On The Roof

by KuraBlue



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Drabbles, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, but this shit gets heavy, i mean sometimes it'll be a good time, idk i'm in a mood, reader doesn't have a perfect family either, this is not gonna be a good time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-05-09 15:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 16,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14719107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuraBlue/pseuds/KuraBlue
Summary: You're nine years old when you first meet Saeyoung.(A series of drabbles, probably in no particular chronological order, detailing the story of two hurting children finding peace in one another)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I only just got the idea to post this on A03 so I whipped up an introductory chapter in like 90 minutes so that's why it seems rushed and not as good as the following chapters may be
> 
> (update: made them nine instead of seven because that's what they were originally and i have no idea why i changed it, considering the content i planned to put in)

You’re nine years old when you first meet Saeyoung.

You’ve been in this new house for a while now. You know that the house next to yours has a window facing your own. It even has miniature roofs joining them so that, if you wanted, you could crawl from one roof to another. But you have a lot of other things on your mind, like starting third grade and keeping your mom happy, so you don’t really have time to explore very much.

So it takes you some time to realize that there’s someone living in that room. Specifically it takes one evening when you look up from homework and realize there’s a boy outside your window.

Well, technically he’s not outside your window. He’s outside his own window, sitting on the mini-roof and staring up at the sky. He looks to be about your age, from what you can tell. His clothes look worn and too big for him, and he’s wearing a pair of thick-framed glasses. His unruly hair is a coppery, fiery red- it’s a hair color that you’ve never seen before in your short life. You stare, fascinated.

And it’s while you’re staring that he notices you. Your gazes meet, lock, hold.

Your mom is very picky about the types of children you can make friends with. And you know, just by looking at him, that she wouldn’t approve of this boy at all. She wouldn’t approve of you even talking to him. You know you should go right back to your homework and pretend you never saw him.

So, for a reason unknown to you, you climb off the bed, go over to your window, and open it.

He’s staring at you full-on now, his eyes wide with shock. You want to say something normal like Hi, but instead what comes out of your mouth is, “Isn’t that dangerous?”

The boy continues to stare, as if he hadn’t realized you’d said anything. Finally he blinks and says, “Huh?”

“Well...” You gesture out the window to his current seat. “Sitting out there like that. Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Oh...” He looks down, as if he didn’t realize he was sitting on a ledge. “Nope, not really.” Then he puffs out his chest a little and says, “Not if you’re brave, anyway.”

Huh. You don’t know if you’re brave. You don’t feel very brave, at least. “So I guess you’re really brave then,” you say, leaning against the windowsill.

“Yeah,” the boy replies. “I must be.” He doesn’t sound very much like he believes it. “Anyway, you moved here last week, right? I saw the trucks, but I didn’t see you.”

“Oh, yeah. My mom made me stay in the house so I would keep out of trouble.” She does a lot of things so that you’ll ‘keep out of trouble’. “Otherwise I would’ve said hi sooner.”

At this the boy winces. “No, that’s okay. I have to stay in the house, too.”

“Oh.” You pause, looking him over, then say, “But aren’t you kinda out of the house now?”

He pauses, then hmms, thinking it over. “Weelll,” he says slowly, “technically I’m in the house and not in the house at the same time. So I’m not really breaking the rules. That’s how I see it,” he finishes with a wide smile.

That’s smart!

“And plus sometimes I just leave the house anyway.”

That’s brave! “I wish I was brave like you,” you say sadly, looking at him longingly.

“Well, you can be brave, too!” To your shock, the boy stands up (stands up!) and walks across the ledge to your roof. “Come on, I’ll help you out. It’s really nice out here at night!”

You bite your lip, staring at the ground below nervously. What if you fall? Or worse- what if you ruin your clothes? What will your mom do?

“Hey.” When you look up, the boy is smiling at you again. “Don’t worry, I won’t let anything bad happen. Okay?”

Something in his face makes you believe you can trust him. “Okay.” Steeling yourself, you grab his hand and let him pull you up out of your window.

Even holding his hand, standing so far off the ground makes you feel dizzy and anxious, so you quickly sit down. Your cheeks burn, expecting the boy to make fun of you for being a baby, but instead he cheers quietly. “Look, you did it!”

Well, you are on the roof, at least. The cool night air feels good on your skin, and with the stars shining overhead, it’s not as dark as you’d expected. You grin back. “Yeah, I guess I am! Oh, by the way- what’s your name?”

He tilts his head at you, settling back onto his own roof. “Me? I’m... Saeyoung! Nice to meet you!”

That night begins your secret friendship with the boy next door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurred to me that my description of the roofs is weird and might be kinda hard to picture, so here's the photo that inspired me.

 

“So what grade are you in?” you ask, sitting cross-legged on the roof.

“Huh? Grade?”

“Yeah, in school.” The day after meeting him, you’d decided to look for Saeyoung at school. But you weren’t able to find him, not at recess, not at lunch, not even when everyone went home. “I don’t think we’re in the same grade, because I couldn’t find you.”

But Saeyoung looks uncomfortable again. “Well, uh... I don’t actually go to school.”

Not go to school? You didn’t even realize that was possible! "How do you not go to school?" you ask, wide-eyed.

He shrugs, swinging his legs back and forth over the side of the roof. “I mean... I did go to school, for a little while. But then...” Saeyoung is quiet for a minute. His legs swing faster. “Then it got decided that I shouldn’t be in school anymore. So now I just stay home.”

That doesn’t make any sense at all. “Got decided? By who? And why?”

“Doesn’t matter,” he says quickly, “I didn’t like school anyway. Let’s stop talking about me! Um, so other than you and your mom, who else lives with you?”

You want to hear more about why Saeyoung isn’t in school, but he looks kinda upset and you don’t want him to leave, so you let it go. “Just me and my mom,” you reply. “My dad used to live with us before we moved, but now...”

Now you don’t have a dad anymore.

Well, you still kind of have a dad, but if you don’t see him anymore, you don’t think that really counts. You remember he and your mom fought a lot, without ever caring if you could see them. Finally he got in the car and left without ever coming back. Your mom threw out everything he didn’t take with him. You’re pretty sure you should miss your dad more than you do. But you don’t.

"Now he doesn't," you finish, not having anything better to say. "So... what about you? Where’s your dad?”

Saeyoung stares at you, blankly, as if you hadn’t said anything. Then suddenly he flops onto his back. “Meow~ I’m a cat now.”

You blink in confusion, then frown. “I’m talking to you...”

“I’m a cat,” he repeats, still upside-down. “Cats don’t care about things like that. They care about fish and belly-rubs.” He meows again, pawing at the air.

“But don’t you think about him at all?” You know you think about your dad.

“Meow~” He wriggles himself into a crouch, fixing you with his big golden eyes. “I don’t speak Korean anymore. I only speak cat, meow.”

You sigh. It looks like Saeyoung doesn’t want to talk about it. And that’s fine- it’s too sad to think about anyway. “Then I guess I’m a cat too, meow!”

He grins widely, clearly glad that you’re moving on. “It’s nice to be a cat, meow! Life is easy and fun!”

It does seem easier to be a cat. Maybe the two of you can just be cats, and not worry about hard things like dads or school anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's kinda short, but I thought it was adorable as-is

Saeyoung doesn’t go to school, but he seems pretty interested in it. Though you don’t really get why, you’ve taken to bringing over your homework for him to study, and... he’s smart. Smarter than you are, definitely. He’s especially good at math, which is great because that’s your absolute worst subject. At least neither of you really see the point in social studies. All those maps and dates are boring. You won’t ever get to go to those places, so what’s the point?

“Okay, so...”

You frown, scratching your head with the pencil. “I have to do 6 times 4 and then 1 times 4? So the answer is... 424?”

Saeyoung shakes his head, leaning over and taking the pencil from your hand. “No, you’ve gotta move the 2 one spot over.”

“But why?”

“Well, because it’s a 24.”

“But you just said it was a 2!”

“Yeah, so the 4 stays there and the 2 goes over here!” He scratches it out on the worksheet. His handwriting is a lot messier than yours; you'll have to rewrite it so your teacher doesn't get suspicious. “So then you do 2 plus 4-”

“I thought we were multiplying, though! And you said the 4 stays over there...”

“Just watch! Okay, so 2 plus 4 is 6, so there’s a 6 here. And then the 4 stays there. So the answer is 64. See?”

You squint at his chicken-scratch. Well, 64 does make more sense than 424... and the way he did it looks a lot closer to how your teacher showed you... “How are you so good at this stuff?” you ask him finally, folding your arms.

“Because I actually read the textbook,” he replies, sticking his tongue out at you.

You stick your tongue out right back. “No way you learned all this stuff just by reading. You have to be cheating somehow!” You gave him the textbook once! How did he learn without ever going to class?

“Maybe I’m just smarter than you,” he replies cheekily.

You shove him lightly. He pretends to almost fall off the roof anyway, but catches himself on the edge.

“Woww, you’re so mean,” he whines, but he’s still grinning. “If you stopped bullying me and started studying more, maybe you’d do better in math.”

You huff, sticking out your lower lip and looking away. “You’re the mean one,” you mumble under your breath, but on the inside you’re worried. If your math grades don’t pick up soon, your mom’s gonna hear about it. And when your mom hears about it...

“Hey. Hey.”

A hand on your shoulder makes you look up. Saeyoung is staring at you. His face looks... gentle. “Don’t worry,” he says in a quiet voice. “I can keep teaching you, and you’ll get it in no time. Okay?”

Your face feels hot for reasons you don’t fully understand, but you nod. “Okay...”

He nods with determination, scooting back and picking up your book. “Okay! So the next problem is...”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hold onto your hats kiddos it's time to dip into the angst for a bit  
> i spent two days trying to come up with an opening and couldn't so let's just jump into it

“Saeyoung, guess what! I got an A on my first math quiz!”

Saeyoung beams at you. “Wow, really? That’s awesome!”

You climb through your window, the paper in hand. You knew it was a good idea to show Saeyoung too. You knew he wouldn’t just say “Well, that’s what should happen” and move on.

“And it’s all thanks to you! Look, I remembered everything you showed me! Like here-” You grab Saeyoung’s hand to show him- and he winces.

You freeze. Suddenly all the joy you’d been feeling doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Saeyoung’s face is tight with pain, and you quickly let go. It’s then that you finally notice he’s wearing a big hoodie that makes him look even smaller. Taking a deep breath, you carefully pull up his long sleeve... and gasp. There’s a little red circle on the back of his hand, stained with black soot. And his wrist is ringed with red and purple.

“What...” You’ve never seen something so horrible in your life. “What is that?”

Saeyoung quickly snatches his arm back, shoving his sleeve down. “It’s nothing,” he mumbles, looking away.

Even though it’s hidden from view now, the image is burned into your brain. “It’s not nothing! You’re hurt!”

“I said it’s nothing, okay? Let’s play cats again. Meow~”

You shake your head. “We’re not playing cats! What happened to you? Please, Saeyoung, I wanna help!” You want to reach out and touch him, but you’re scared you might hurt him again. Scared you might find something else.

He curls up into himself, away from you. “My mom...” He swallows. “My mom got mad. I made her mad, and she...” He trails off, squeezing his eyes shut. “That’s all.”

“Your mom did this?” Your own mom always tells you not to complain, that your life could be a lot worse. Is this what she’s talking about? You think you hear Saeyoung sniffle, and your heart breaks. You have to do something, you just have to! “I’ll get help!” you declare, about to climb to your feet. “I’ll tell-”

“No!”

Saeyoung’s hand flashes out to grab your shoulder. His grip is tight, and his golden eyes are wide with fear. “No, don’t tell anyone!”

“Why not?” you cry, tugging weakly against his grip. “Please, I wanna help, I wanna...”

“You can’t tell anyone!” he pleads. “If you tell, it’ll get even worse! She won’t be able to protect us anymore!”

You don’t understand. You can’t understand. “Protect you from what?” you ask, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You can’t tell!” he insists. “Please, don’t tell!”

“Saeyoung-”

“Promise!”

“Okay! I promise!”

He lets go of your arm and you both collapse back onto your own roofs. “I promise,” you repeat. “I... I won’t tell.”

The air around you both goes quiet. You suddenly feel so tired, but you don’t want to leave him. Not like this. Even though you can’t save him, you still want to do something- anything.

And then you remember something that someone used to do when you were really small. You reach out and take Saeyoung’s hand- carefully, so carefully- in your own. Then, looking at him to make sure it’s okay, you lean down and kiss the marks gently.

When you look up again, Saeyoung is staring at you, his cheeks now pink. “What was that?”

You manage to smile, despite the tears still staining your face. “I kissed it. That’s going to help it heal, I think.”

He stares at his hand in yours, then manages to smile back. “Oh. Okay, um, thank you! I bet I’ll be better in no time, thanks to your magic kissing powers.”

“Yeah! And if-” you make yourself say if, not when “-if you get hurt again, I’ll just give you more kisses. Okay?”

His cheeks get pinker, but his smile gets bigger. “Yeah. I’d like that. I’d like that a lot!”

 


	6. Chapter 6

“Saeyoung!”

At the sound of your voice he bolts upright, looking like a frightened rabbit. You smile and wave, hoping to calm him down, but he just stares at you, eyes wide.

Huh. He’s being weird today- weirder than usual. “Come on, silly,” you say, tapping the glass, “open the window. I wanna show you something cool.”

But he shakes his head, scooting away from the window. What’s gotten into him? Is he mad at you? Or maybe...

“Saeyoung, what’s wrong?” You press your face to the glass. He just keeps staring at you, trembling, as if you’re a ghost. “Is everything okay? You know you can tell me...” Then you notice something and gasp. “Saeyoung, why are you all tied up? What happened? Hang on-” You start pawing around the window, trying to force it upwards. “I’ll free you and then-”

“D-don’t!”

His voice causes you to pause. “Why not?” you ask. “Saeyoung, I wanna help-”

“Not...” He looks away, curling in further on himself, and swallows. “I’m n-not Saeyoung...”

Not Saeyoung? What does that mean? “I don’t understand...”

“I’m not Saeyoung.” His voice has dropped to a mumble. “I’m the bad one... The one who shouldn’t exist...”

He sure looks like Saeyoung, if a lot sadder, but if he says he’s not then you guess he’s not. And more importantly, what’s this about him being bad? “Hey, don’t say that,” you tell him gently, deciding to help whoever it is at this window. “I don’t think you’re bad at all. And everyone deserves to exist!”

“But they all want Saeyoung,” he points out. “Even you want Saeyoung...”

“Well, now I want you,” you say firmly. “So what’s your name?”

At this his head slowly lifts. He stares at you, stunned and confused, before finally replying, “Saeran. I... I’m Saeran.”

You give him your sunniest smile. “Nice to meet you, Saeran! I’m gonna be your friend, too!”

Saeran, you quickly learn, doesn’t talk much. He seems scared of you, or maybe just scared of life in general. But you don’t let that stop you. Though it’s awkward, you talk about anything you can think of- books, animals, things that happened in school. As you talk, you notice him slowly seeming to warm up to you. Finally you finish a story about that assembly last week with the puppet lady who smelled like cheese- and he laughs! He actually laughs!

“Saeran, I’m here! And I got ice cream!”

The door of the room creaks open. The newcomer steps inside, drops his cartons of ice cream on the floor, and runs to untie Saeran. You gasp. “Whoa, there’s two of you?”

He looks over at you and smiles widely, and you immediately know this is Saeyoung. “Oh, hi! Yeah, I guess I didn’t get to introduce you to Saeran. He’s my brother!” He finishes untying Saeran and helps him to his feet. They really do look exactly alike, you realize. Are they twins? You’ve never met twins before.

As Saeyoung goes to pick up the ice cream, Saeran inches towards you. You wait for him to open the window, but he just stands there nervously. Finally he says, “Do you want me to go away now?”

“...Huh?”

He stares at the floor. “Well, since Saeyoung’s back... should I go away so you can hang out with him?”

Poor Saeran... You press a hand to the glass so he’ll look up. “No, why would I want you to go away? You’re my friend too, remember? We can all hang out together!”

“Yeah, that’s right!” Saeyoung replies, joining the two of you. “We’re all friends now, okay Saeran? Do you wanna hold the ice cream so I can open the window?”

Saeran looks between the two of you with wide eyes. Then he nods, taking the ice cream. “O-okay..."

Saeyoung nods, then shoves the window open with a grunt. “Okay, I didn’t know you’d be here, so I only got ice cream for me and Saeran,” he admits. “So you can just have some of mine, if that’s okay.”

“But I wanna share my ice cream too,” Saeran pipes up. “I mean, since we’re friends now...” His cheeks turn slightly pink.

Your heart feels really happy. You have two whole friends now! “Okay, then I’ll just eat both your ice creams!”

“Wait, you’re not getting ALL of it!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no choi twins this episode- instead we're gonna get a look at your family life.   
> also i've been avoiding using (y/n) or any references to reader's gender, but i'm worried it makes the story sound weird. thoughts?

“I’m home,” you say quietly, closing the door behind you as gently as possible. You don’t really want to deal with your mom right now- you just want to go upstairs and study and play with your friends.

But it doesn’t work. “Oh, there you are. I’m in the living room.”

With a small sigh, you adjust your schoolbag and go meet her.

Your mom is seated on one of the couches, looking over a bunch of important looking documents. When you were younger you would’ve tried to sit next to her, but you know better now. You stand there on the rug, waiting.

“You’ve been in school for a few weeks,” she begins, glancing up at you, “do you have any assignments to show me?”

Taking a deep breath, you pull out your bag and rifle through your binder. You try to pick out the best assignments you have, but it might not be enough. Nothing’s enough.

She accepts the papers and looks them over. “Good,” she says finally. The tight nervousness in your chest goes away- is she happy? “Of course, I know you can do better,” she adds, and the hope you’d been feeling dies. “For instance, I keep telling you you need to work on your handwriting.”

You bite your lip. “Um, my teacher says I have the nicest handwriting in class,” you offer quietly.

She shoots you an annoyed look, and you immediately wish you hadn’t said anything. “Well, you’re not trying to live up to her standards, now are you?”

You duck your head, gripping your bag tightly. “No, mom.”

“I know what you’re capable of if you work hard enough. Your teacher doesn’t. Understand me?”

Of course Mom does. Mom knows you better than anyone. You shouldn’t have opened your big fat mouth. “I’m sorry, mom.”

She nods. “Hmm. Now...” She rifles through the papers again. “What’s going on with your math?”

You’ve been getting better since Saeyoung started tutoring you. But it’s not good enough. Nothing is. “I’m sorry, mom.”

She tsks at you, standing up. You flinch. “Where are all these excuses coming from?” she asks sharply. “I didn’t raise you to make excuses, did I?”

“No, mom.” You can feel tears burning in the corners of your eyes, but you push them back. She’ll just get even more upset.

She grabs your arm, and you bite back a whimper as her nails dig into your skin. “I don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’. I want to hear ‘I’ll fix it’. Understand?”

“Yes, I’m s-” You bite your tongue to keep that word from coming out. “I’ll fix it! I’ll fix it, I’ll do better, I promise!”

“No more excuses. You’re mine, so I know you can do-” Then she pauses, her eyes narrowing. “Are you crying?”

“No!” You scrub frantically at the tears you hadn’t realized were falling. “I’m not, I-”

She huffs, shoving you away. You stumble and fall backwards, nearly hitting your head on the couch. “Unbelievable. I must seem so mean to you, don’t I? Just because I actually expect somethng from you.”

You shake your head frantically. “No, mommy, you’re not mean!”

“Do you want a different mom? Huh? Someone who’ll really show you what mean is?”

You think of the bruising on Saeyoung’s arm, how Saeran had been tied up. “No, mommy, no!”

“Or maybe you want to live with your dad?” She spits the word like it’s a swear. “I bet he’ll just let you do whatever you want. I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you?”

“No, no!” You cling to her legs, sobbing. “I wanna live with you! You’re not mean at all! I’ll do better, mommy, I promise, just please...”

Your mom doesn’t say anything for a while, letting you cry. Then you feel her hand in your hair and flinch- but it’s gentle. Is she not mad anymore?

“I just want what’s best for you,” she says quietly. “I want you to grow up to be the very best you can be. You can understand that, can’t you?”

You nod, sniffling. You don’t want to say anything else and ruin things again.

“I do love you.”

“I love you too, mom.”

She nods, patting your head. “Good. Now go study for a while. I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to literally force myself to stop writing and just post because it just kept going on and on- but after the angst we could all use some fluff, right?

It’s Saturday. Saturdays tend to be boring. Since your mom hasn’t found any good friends for you yet, you typically spend the day in your room. Studying. Or reading. Sometimes your mom take you with her to run errands, but you don’t really like that. You’d rather stay home.

A tap on the window makes you jump up, a smile immediately spreading on your face. “Saeyoung!”

He waves. “Hey! Our mom’s asleep, so me and Saeran are going to the park!”

“That sounds fun,” you say encouragingly. You don’t think you’ve been to a park since you were really little.

“Yeah! Wanna come with us?”

You freeze. Come... with them? “Who’s taking you?” you ask nervously.

Saeyoung gives you a weird look. “Um, nobody? What are you talking about?”

“You’re going to the park... by yourself?”

“Well, yeah,” he says, like it’s no big deal, like somehow leaving the house without an adult is no big deal. “I mean, it’s not super far, we just have to walk there.”

Walking on the street..? By yourself..? But your mom always says the world is scary and dangerous. You can’t go without her.

Saeyoung tilts his head at you, confused- then suddenly he ohs in understanding. “Your mom doesn’t let you go outside, right? Just like Saeran!”

That’s not exactly it, but you nod. Suddenly you feel kind of babyish. “I’m not safe outside by myself.”

“But you’re not by yourself. Me and Saeran are gonna be there too.”

Does that count..?

“C’mon, we do this all the time and our mom never finds out.” He scoots backwards and heads to his own window, calling over his shoulder, “Meet us outside in ten minutes!”

“Saeyoung, wait,” you call, but his window slams shut.

So... what do you do now? You stare at the book lying open on your bed, biting your lip, and make a decision.

 ---

“See, we made it!”

The sun feels warm on your face as the three of you round the corner to the park. There are people here of all ages, walking around and talking to each other. Nobody seems to notice the three kids coming in by themselves. Nobody minds.

“Oh, there’s a cat! Hold on, I’ll go get it!” Saeyoung quickly drops your hand and Saeran’s and runs off, making meowing noises. You stare after him helplessly, feeling nervous again. You’re not supposed to be here. You should be at home, waiting for your mom.

“Um, hey.”

Saeran scoots up next to you quietly, taking your hand. “It’s okay,” he says, peering up at you shyly, “I was scared too the first time Saeyoung took me outside. But being in the sun for once is nice, right?”

You nod, feeling a little better. At least someone understands how you feel.

He bites his lip. “So do you maybe wanna go on the swings? Saeyoung’s gonna take forever looking for the cat...”

You giggle a little. Did Saeran just make a joke? “Okay, sure. I’ll push you.”

He shakes his head, leading you to the swings. “But we invited you, so I should push you.”

“How about I push you and you push me?”

Saeran squints at you for a moment, then mutters, “Okay. But I’m pushing you first.”

“Fiine.”

You clamber onto the swing and wait. There’s a pause, then you feel Saeran’s small hands patting your back. “Um... how do I...” Suddenly he shoves you, and you almost fly off the swing. “Oh no! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

Hearing the panic in his voice makes you feel bad. “No, it’s okay,” you say quickly, wiggling until you’re back on. “Have you ever pushed someone before?”

“Um, no... usually Saeyoung pushes me. I’m sorry...”

You look over your shoulder and notice he’s gripping his shirt nervously. “Really, it’s okay! Just do a kind of slow push.”

He bites his lip, nodding determinedly. “Slow push. Okay.”

The next time he pushes you, it’s kind of wobbly, but you don’t fall off and you actually move, so you count it a success. “Yeah, like that! That’s perfect, Saeran!”

After a while of swinging, Saeyoung finally comes back. His hands and face are scratched and there are leaves tangled in his curls. “So the cat got away,” he reports with a small pout. Then he looks at both of you and the pout disappears. “But hey, you guys are playing together!”

“I’m pushing her on the swing,” Saeran tells him. “I hope that’s okay.”

“Why wouldn’t it be okay? I want my only brother and my only friend to like each other!” He rushes behind you. “Let’s push her together!”

“But I was supposed to push Saeran now,” you say, frowning. You feel weird being the only one having fun.

Saeyoung gasps, turning to his brother. “Saeran! Did you say that?”

Saeran immediately shakes his head. “Uh-uh! I was okay with just pushing her, but she kept saying...”

“She’s not supposed to push me or you, Saeran,” Saeyoung explains, sounding like a teacher. “Don’t you see? She’s a princess. And we are her royal servants.”

Saeran tilts his head, then his eyes go wide. “Ohh...”

“Huh?” You clamber off the swing, confused. “Wait, no, I’m not a princess! I can push you guys!”

“Nay!” Saeyoung puffs out his chest. “I declare that you, princess, will not lift a finger on this day!” He bows, and Saeran giggles before bowing too.

You don’t understand, but you’re smiling anyway. “Why am I the princess, though?”

“Because you’re pretty and nice,” Saeran says, before looking at Saeyoung. “Right?”

“Yeah, exactly!”

Your face feels hot. You? Pretty and nice? No one’s ever told you that before.

“Oh great princess,” Saeyoung begins, bowing so low that his hair almost touches the grass. “What is your decree?”

You purse your lips, staring at them. Well, if they’ve decided you’re the princess, you might as well act like one. You straighten up, putting your hands on your hips. “My first decree is... um...” You think for a moment. What would a princess want? “Oh! Find me a crown! ...please!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is another one that i ended up having to cut off pre-emptively. i hope the small surprise at the end makes up for my lateness.

“But then she said-”

Suddenly you hear a weird rumbling noise. You look around, confused, before you hear Saeyoung giggling. “Saeran, are you hungry?”

Saeran’s face is turning red as he stares at the floor. “Mm-hm.”

“Don’t worry, me too!” He gets to his feet. “Hold on, I think mom left some corn chips behind. I’ll be right back.”

You frown. “Wait, corn chips? Isn’t that gonna ruin your dinner?” You don’t actually know what that means, but it’s what your mom always says.

But both of them turn and stare at you blankly. Finally Saeran says, slowly, “But this IS dinner.”

“Huh?”

“Well, yeah,” Saeyoung agrees with a shrug. “It’s not like our mom cooks. Mostly we just eat whatever she leaves in the kitchen.”

“Or ice cream,” Saeran pipes up.

That doesn’t seem very healthy. Maybe there’s something you can do. “Well...” You bite your lip, before asking, “Do you and Saeran wanna come over? I can try and make you something.”

At this, Saeyoung’s eyes light up. “Really?” he cheers, bouncing up and down. “You’d really do that? Wow!”

Saeran doesn’t look as sure. “But will it be okay? I mean, won’t your mom be mad?”

You shake your head. “She won’t be back until it gets dark. And if I just clean everything up...” It should be fine. You’ve got hours and hours. “Come on!”

After climbing back through your window, you turn and push it wider open so your friends can get through. Yeah, this should be fine. Like you said, as long as you clean up really really well, you should have no problem.

You turn around and realize that Saeyoung is looking around your room with wide eyes. You immediately feel embarrassed, running to pick up your books. “I’m sorry, I know my room is a mess...”

Saeyoung shakes his head quickly. “No, that’s not it! It’s just...” He peers at your bedspread like it’s a new species. “I’ve never been in a girl’s room before...”

“But mom’s a girl,” Saeran replies, confused.

“No, mom doesn’t count!” Saeyoung sighs heavily, sticking his hands on his hips. “You’re too young, Saeran, you don’t understand yet.”

“I’m 8 minutes younger than you!”

What does that mean? Either way, you shrug it off. “Okay, follow me!”

 

Umm...

It seemed like a great idea when you said it, but... now that you’re standing in the middle of your kitchen, you don’t know anymore. You’ve already pulled your hair out of your face, washed your hands... you even put on your mom’s apron, even though you had to pull it way up so it doesn’t drag on the floor. Do you actually know how to cook? You’ve watched your mom a couple times, but...

Oh, wait- egg rice! You think you know how to make egg rice! Okay, first you need a pan. No, first you need a chair, because you won’t be able to reach the stove.

Saeyoung and Saeran are waiting in the dining room when you show up. The minute they notice you trying to grab a chair, they both jump out of their seats to help.

“No,” you say quickly, hugging it to your chest. “You can’t come into the kitchen! It’s a surprise!”

Saeyoung whines. “But we don’t want you to hurt yourself... what if I close my eyes?”

You fight down a giggle, trying to look stern. “Stay here. Dinner will be ready in just a minute.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Thankfully mom left some cooked rice in the fridge, so you don’t have to worry about that part. Okay, how do you crack an egg? You stare at it, sticking out your tongue in concentration. It seems kinda delicate. You tap it gently into the pan, but nothing happens. Maybe if you hit it a little harder? Sucking in a breath, you slam the egg down- and squeak as it explodes all over you!

“Honey? Are you okay?”

Hurriedly, you start picking eggshell out of the pan before it gets too hot. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine! Remember, don’t come in!” Wait, since when are you ‘honey’? You don’t hate it, though...

“Okay! Just let me know if you need anything!”

“Okay!” The second egg you just drop straight into the pan so you don’t get goop all over your hands. This egg rice is gonna be a little crunchy, but hopefully that’s okay. Since the egg is so gooey, it’s not like you need any oil.

The rice hops around in the pan as you stir it, humming to yourself. You really hope it turns out okay, and Saeyoung and Saeran like it. Are you making enough? Are you making too much? You just want them to eat well for once- wait, what’s that smell?

Oh no, it it burning? You panic, pulling the pan off the stove and rushing to get a bowl for the egg rice. Why is it burning? It never burns when mom makes it!

“Honey?”

“Don’t worry... dear!” And the stove is still on. You rush to turn it off. This must be why mom never lets you cook...

When you pour the egg rice into the bowl, it’s not as burned as you thought. But it looks... messy. There might not be enough soy sauce. You messed it up.

Well, this is all you have. You grab plates and spoons and carry it all into the dining room.

“Whoa!”

The twins gasp, staring with wide eyes as you set down the food in front of them. “You really made this?” Saeyoung asks as you carefully spoon out egg rice onto their plates.

You wince, noticing you spilled some on the tablecloth. “Yeah, I did. But, um...” You squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m sorry, it might not be as good as I wanted. I think I forgot oil, so it burned... and I didn’t put enough soy sauce, so-”

But when you glance up, Saeyoung is shoveling the egg rice into his mouth. You gape. Is he... is he even stopping to breathe? Saeran mumbles a quick “Thank you” to you before digging in as well.

They like it. They like your food. Somebody.. actually likes something that you did. Your whole body feels light and warm and happy.

Finally Saeran pokes Saeyoung with his spoon, and he stops eating for a second. “Waa, thishis sho-” He swallows. “Wow, this is so good! We should come over more often!”

You beam. “Yeah, of course!” You realize you really like cooking for them. You wish you could do it forever and ever.

 

\--

 

“Honey~ Is dinner ready yet?”

“Almost!” You turn off the stove with ease, ladling the egg-fried rice into three separate little bowls. “Are you done working yet?”

“Almost!”

Saeran, who’s been seated at the table watching you, rolls his eyes. “That means no,” he translates.

You sigh, putting the pan in the sink to wash later. “Then would you mind setting the table for me?” you ask, wiping your hands off on your apron. “I’ll go get him.”

“No need! I’m here!”

Saeyoung appears, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m hurt,” he complains loudly. “I said I was almost done, didn’t I? Neither of you have any faith in me.”

“You don’t have a very good track record,” Saeran points out.

He gasps, clutching his chest. “Saeran! Honey, Saeran’s being mean!”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Boys, don’t fight. Dinner’s ready, so let’s eat, okay?”

This is not what Saeyoung wants to hear. He pretends to tear up, slumping into a chair. “I can’t believe this... I’m being ganged up on in my own home...”

You stick out your tongue. “Now you know how I always feel, being the only girl in this house. Come on, cheer up and you’ll see what Saeran and I got for dessert today!”

“Yes, ma’am!”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally ended up using (y/n) because it was getting ridiculous to keep dancing around not using the reader's name

“And he brought his new wife, too!”

“You’re kidding!”

You get home from school one afternoon to see your mom sitting in the living room drinking tea with a woman you’ve never seen before. Unlike you, your mom has never had any trouble making new friends. She tries to help you out by having her friends’ kids become your friends, but... those kids usually suck. They’re either boring goody-two-shoes or they’re mean to you. Or they’re babies.

“Oh, you’re home,” your mom says as she notices you. “This is Mrs Jung from down the street. Eunhae, this is my daughter (Y/N). I think you mentioned having some kids her age?” she says, turning back to her new friend.

The friend- Mrs Jung nods. “Right, I do. We’ll have to arrange a playdate at some point. It’s like we were just talking about: it’s important to build connections with the right sort of people in this neighborhood.”

Your mom mmhmms. “Especially when it comes to our children. We have to make sure they’re not mingling with the... wrong sort of people.”

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean,” Mrs Jung says, nodding disapprovingly as she sips her tea. “I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that your next-door-neighbors aren’t exactly ideal.”

At the mention you suddenly feel sick to your stomach. You want to excuse yourself and run upstairs, but your legs aren’t working.

Your mom nods, setting her tea down. “Right, I was going to ask you about that,” she begins. “Now, not to be judgemental, but how did they even get into a neighborhood like this?”

“Of course! Well, what I heard is-” Mrs Jung lowers her voice and leans in, thinking you won’t be able to hear. “I heard that Mrs Choi- that’s the mother- gets a huge check every month from the father.”

Your mom raises an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Hmph, he must be something if she can afford to live here and not work.”

“And let her kids run around looking like street urchins,” adds Mrs Jung. “They don’t even go to school.”

“Exactly!” She raps the table firmly, making you jump. “You know, I keep telling (Y/N)-” you stiffen as she turns to you- “you’re so lucky to have a mom who cares about you. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes, mom,” you mumble. The sick feeling in your stomach is getting worse and worse. You wish they’d stop talking.

But of course she keeps going. “Children will just go completely astray if no-one’s disciplining them. You see those young men selling drugs on the street, right? They didn’t have parents who cared. And that little brat of hers is going to go the exact same way, you mark my words.”

“You know she has another little boy?” Mrs Jung points out, and you freeze. No. Leave Saeran alone. Please.

“She does? I’ve only ever seen the one.”

“Well, they’re twins. You might’ve seen him and not even known it.”

She tsks. “Oh, then that’s even worse. Two get into more trouble than one. I’m sure that-”

You can’t take it anymore. “Mom, I’m going to go study,” you say quickly, running up to your room before she can say anything. Before you can say anything.

They’re wrong. You know they’re wrong. They don’t have the right to talk about Saeyoung and Saeran like that. Saeyoung is nice, he’s your friend, they can’t-

“...(Y/N)?”

You sniffle, looking up. You hadn’t even noticed you’d opened your bedroom window. Saeyoung is staring down at you from the roof, his eyes getting wide and worried. “Hey... did something happen..?”

Seeing his face makes you think about all the horrible things your mom and Mrs Jung said all over again. Your eyes water. “S-Saeyoung...I...”

“Wait, don’t cry,” he says quickly, but it’s too late.

You sink down on the floor, tears rolling down your cheeks. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry everyone’s so mean to you...” That doesn’t make any sense, but it’s the only thing you’re able to say.

Saeyoung climbs through your window, dropping to the floor in front of you. “Hey, no, it’s okay! I mean I’m used to it, so...”

He’s used to it? That only makes you cry harder. Saeyoung is such a nice person, he doesn’t deserve any of this!

“Agh, please don’t cry! Um...here!” Suddenly Saeyoung darts forward and presses his lips to your cheek.

And you stop crying- partly out of shock, partly out of something else. When he finally pulls away, you stare at him, feeling warm for reasons you don’t fully understand. “What... what was that for?”

“W-well, you said...” Saeyoung stares at the floor, his whole face bright red. “You said kisses make things better, and I didn’t know how to make you stop crying... so...”

“Oh...” You press your fingers to your still wet cheek, right where he kissed you. It feels... tingly.

“Hey, listen.” Saeyoung grabs your hand, looking into your eyes. “You... you don’t have to cry for me, okay?”

Your face scrunches up again. “Saeyoung...”

“No!” He shakes his head. “Look, I’m really happy, okay? Since I met you, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in a long time. So I don’t know what happened, but... don’t be sad for me, okay? Just smile instead!”

That’s easier said than done. Saeyoung is someone you care about a whole lot, but his life is so awful. But if you smiling will make him happy, then... You sniffle, before stretching your lips into the biggest grin you can.

“Yeah. That’s perfect! No matter what happens, just keep smiling with me, okay?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's ready for some more angst  
> this is a short chapter but an important one, at least in my opinion

When Saeyoung and Saeran’s mom is mad, she beats them. You know it happens, even if you’ve never seen it. Saeyoung says she whips them with cables, or smacks them around, or throws things at them, or even burns them with cigarettes. And that’s when she’s not tying Saeran up so he can’t go anywhere.

Sometimes you wonder how it feels, to be beaten. Your mom never gets very physical with you- a slap here, a rough shake there. But that’s because, in your opinion, she doesn’t have to.

When your mom is mad, you go to your Thinking Space.

It sounds like a nice thing when she calls it that, no doubt so that when she mentions it in front of other adults they don’t get suspicious. It sounds like a place where a bad child can sit and think about what they’ve done, and eventually decide to be good from now on.

Your Thinking Space is actually the tiny area under the stairs. It’s been personally fixed so that, when she pushes you in there and shuts the door, every scrap of light disappears. And you sit there, straining your ears for the sounds of life just outside the door until that fades away and you’re left with only your own sobs to fill the silence, feeling your skin itch as if you’re being walked on by thousands of spiders because for all you know you are, and that thought makes you slap and scratch desperately at your exposed flesh, and the dust gets into your nose and into your eyes and the exposed floor is cold and rough on your bare feet- and maybe this is it, maybe you’ve been so bad that she isn’t coming back this time, how long have you been here?

When you do get let out you’re always a silent, shell-shocked child, keeping your head down and shoulders hunched and flinching whenever the shadows get too close. But Saeyoung becomes your sun, warm and bright. The first time or two he’d been a nervous wreck when you eventually returned to your room, because you’d been gone for hours and his beatings never take that long. But now he simply climbs through your window and hugs you tight and talks on and on about whatever comes into his head. Sometimes he tells jokes, sometimes he makes up stories, sometimes he chatters on about something he saw that day. All that matters is that you finally break open in his arms.

Years and years later, when a power outage has you crumpling to the ground with a terrified shriek, Saeyoung pulls you into his arms again and hums to you until the shaking stops.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more fluffy angst yaaay  
> also things might start coming to a head soon idk

You pour a little bit of antiseptic onto a cotton ball, sticking your tongue out in concentration. “Okay, hold still.”

Saeran pouts, but keeps his hair pushed back out of the way for you. You try to dab at the cut on his head as gently as you can, but he still whimpers as it gets bubbly.

At this point you’ve sort of become a doctor for the boys. It makes you feel like you’re doing something for them, even if it’s small. Hopefully your mom never asks you what happens to all the medical stuff.

“Annd... there.”

You stick a big bandaid on Saeran’s forehead. When he lets his hair go, it flops down and mostly covers it. Good. The last time their mom saw a bandaid, Saeyoung quickly had bigger things to worry about than that one scrape. You still feel bad even after he told you not to.

Now that the excitement’s over, Saeran slumps a little. “Saeyoung, I’m tired,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes. “Can we go to sleep?”

Saeyoung reaches out to ruffle his hair. “Yeah, go ahead,” he replies. “I’ll be there in a sec, okay? Keep the bed warm for me.”

His brother looks unsure, but his sleepiness wins out and he scoots back to climb through the window. “Mmkay. Goodnight...”

Now it’s just you and Saeyoung alone on the roof. You’re both quiet for a while. “Thanks for helping,” Saeyoung murmurs finally.

You nod quickly. “Yeah, no problem! I’m glad I get to help.”

“No, I mean it.” Suddenly he curls up, looking small. “I... I was really scared. And when he hit the table, I didn’t know what to do... I never know what to do...”

“Saeyoung...”

“And it’s worse with you,” he continues, startling you. “Because at least Saeran’s near me, but you’re all alone in that house. I’m never around to help you, and then I can’t do anything...” He scrubs at his face, and your heart breaks. “What good am I if I can’t help anyone?”

“Saeyoung, no!” You had no idea he thought like this, but you’re not going to let him. “No, you do help!” you insist, grabbing his hands. “Me, and Saeran... you help both of us so so much! Saeran would be completely lost without you, and me... I’ve never even had a real friend before, and I can’t imagine living without you now!”

But Saeyoung pulls away from you, scooting back until he’s pressed against his window. You watch sadly as he hides his face in his knees, gripping his legs tightly. “I... I...”

Saeyoung... is he really blaming himself for not being able to save both of you? But he’s just a kid... you’re all just kids, you don’t have any power. There’s nothing any of you can do, so he doesn’t need to take this all on himself... You make up your mind to say so. “Saeyoung, listen-”

“I’ve decided,” Saeyoung says suddenly. His voice sounds completely different from a few seconds ago. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a superhero.”

You blink. For a moment you want to yell at him not to change the subject, but you also really want him to cheer up. “Okay,” you reply quietly. “What kind of superhero?”

He hmms thoughtfully, lifting his head a bit. “I don’t know how to get superpowers, so I’ll have to make them.” He tilts his head back to stare up at the sky as he says this. The stars reflect off his glasses, hiding his eyes from view. “I’ll build a metal suit, like Iron Man. And it’ll fly, and shoot lasers, and make ice cream...”

“And you’re gonna fight crime?” you guess, curling up on yourself. It might be fun to watch him make whooshing noises for awhile.

But to your surprise, he shakes his head. “I don’t wanna be a superhero forever. Just for a little while. Because when I’m a superhero...” He climbs to his feet, stretching his arms up as if preparing to soar into space. “I’ll pick up you and Saeran in my strong metal arms, and we’ll all fly far away from here.”

You stare at him, eyes wide. He hadn’t been changing the subject after all. “Then...” You swallow, then blurt out before you can stop yourself, “Then hurry and grow up soon, okay?”

“Yeah. I promise. I’ll make everything okay. I’ll save all of us!”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit this is chapter 13 i didn't even plan that lmao
> 
> anyway sorry for taking so long to update, but this is going to be a continuous arc so i wanted everything written out

“Hey, Saeyoung,” you say as the two of you walk home. He’d met you on the way back from school, and the two of you had gone out for ice cream and just to sightsee. “Remember that wedding we saw behind the church?”

“Oh, yeah! I’ve never seen a wedding before!” He sighs. “The bride’s dress was so pretty, wasn’t it?”

You nod eagerly. “Yeah, it really was! The whole wedding was pretty- so many flowers!” Then you pause. “But... It made me think.”

He tilts his head at you. “Hmm? What about?”

You bite your lip, trying to figure out how to say what you’re thinking. “Well... when I grow up I’ll have to get married too. But I don’t know if I want to, because... what if I end up marrying someone mean?”

“Well, don’t marry someone mean, silly,” replies Saeyoung, and eeps when you push him.

You puff out your cheeks. “No, but what if I do by accident? Like, I think they’re nice at first, but I get tricked. And then I end up sad and angry like my mom.”  
Saeyoung doesn’t say anything. You wonder if he’s thinking about his own mom.

You stare up at the darkening sky. “Saeyoung... do you think anyone who gets married stays happy? Maybe even that wedding they saw... maybe they’ll end up hating each other too.” The world seems colder as you say this, like the sun’s light doesn’t reach you anymore. Maybe you’ve stumbled onto some secret truth that only adults know.

Then suddenly, Saeyoung laughs. You stare at him, confused and slightly hurt. Why is he laughing at you?

“Well,” he says finally, “there’s a super easy solution to your problem! Just marry me!”

Marry... Saeyoung? Is that even possible? “Really..?”

“Yeah! You can marry me!” He grabs your hands in his, looking into your face. “Because I’ll never trick you. I won’t make you sad and angry. I just want you to smile forever and ever. So...” His cheeks turn pink. “When we grow up, we can get married. Then you won’t have to worry. Okay?”

Your heart’s beating really fast for some reason. “You promise?” you insist, gripping his hands tight. “How do I know you won’t forget?”

At this, Saeyoung sucks in a breath... and then kisses you, right in the corner of your mouth. It’s almost an adult kiss, but not exactly. “There,” he tells you, his face red. “That’s my promise. Until I can make everything better for good.”

“Oh...” You press your fingers to the place he’d kissed. A smile creeps across your face. “Okay, then I’ll wait for you!”

You don’t want to leave, but you know your mother gets nervous when you’re outside for too long. “Bye, Saeyoung,” you say, heading for your front door.  
“Good night! Remember what I said, okay?”

Looking back on this moment years later, you wish the two of you could’ve stayed in that moment just a little longer. You’d had no way of knowing what you’d just set into motion...


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is everybody ready for a bad time??? it's also a longer chapter so that's good i guess

You close the door behind you, toeing off your shoes. You can see your mother seated in the living room, sipping tea. You mumble hi to her quickly and start up to your room.

“No, hold on. Come here.”

You freeze at the steel in her voice and the ice in her eyes. Oh no, what did you do now? Quickly you run over everything you’ve done over the past few days, trying to figure out what she might be mad about. “Yes, mom..?” you ask, standing in front of her, wringing your hands together.

“How was school today?”

“Good...”

She sets her cup down. “So,” she begins calmly. “We’ve been living here for a few months, haven’t we? You must have made some friends by now.”

Friends..? Why does she suddenly want to know about friends? “Not really,” you lie, squirming a little.

But she doesn’t buy it. She never does. “Are you sure? There’s nobody that you’ve... gotten close to?”

Does she know something? Does she know about the twins? But how? You shake your head, not trusting your mouth.

“No?” She leans in, staring you dead in the eye. “So then who was that boy outside just now?”

Your stomach fills with ice. Oh no. She saw you. How much did she see?

“Answer me. How do you know that boy?”

Say something. Say anything. Hurry. “I-I don’t know him, I just-”

“You don’t know him?”

“He’s someone from school, he lives nearby, I don’t know-” You know you’re not making any sense but you’re just so scared that you can’t think straight.

Your mom gets to her feet, folding her arms. “Well, that means there are two possibilities,” she begins, towering over you. Either you’re lying to me about how well you know him, or you’re allowing little boys you don’t know to kiss you.”

Kiss you.

You can’t breathe.

She knows.

She knows about the kiss.

“Mom... I...”

“So which is it? Do you know him or not?”

You bite your lip, feeling your stomach churn. “It... it doesn’t mean anything serious. It’s just something we do-”

“Something you do? So you’ve kissed him before?” Your mother’s face has twisted into something cold and terrifying.

You try to back up but trip over your own feet, crashing into the carpet. The hope and happiness you’d been feeling earlier all seems to have faded away. You don’t know what you were thinking. Kisses don’t make everything better. Kisses make everything worse.

Your mother shakes her head. “No. No, this is going to stop immediately.” And without another word to you, she turns and stalks for the front door.

You stare at her, confused. And then you realize. Where she must be headed. What she must be going to do. You scramble to your feet after her.

“No, mommy, no!” You grab at her hand but she pushes you off, jerking the door open. “Mom, stop! Please, please stop!” You grab her again, pulling with all your might. But she just drags you along down the sidewalk to the house next door. Saeyoung’s house.

“No! No no no, mom, you can’t, please!”

She rings the doorbell.

For a tense, breathless moment you think no one will answer. You hang motionless, staring helplessly at the door.

Suddenly the door jerks open. The woman that appears makes your heart jump into your throat. She’s skinny and pale and stares at your mother with shifty dark eyes, but you’d know those thick red curls anywhere.

“What do you want?” Mrs Choi’s voice is low and accented. You don’t think she’s Korean. In the darkness past the door, you think you see Saeyoung peering out. Then his eyes meet yours and grow wide with fear.

You swallow, tugging on your mother’s arm even harder. “Mom, wait-”

But like always, she ignores you. “Are you the mother of those little redheaded boys?”

She hmphs, scratching at her neck. “Why are you asking? If you want to know why they’re not in school, that’s none of your damn business.”

Your mother scoffs. “Believe me, I couldn’t care less what you do with your children- as long as it doesn’t affect mine.”

Finally Mrs Choi looks down at you. You shrink back as her eyes burn into your face, like you’re a bug she wants to squish. “What do you mean?” she asks finally.

“Your son-”

“Mom!” You try yet again to pull her away. “Mom, please just listen-”

“Your son,” she hisses, jerking her arm out of your grip, “and I don’t know or care which one, has been doing disgusting things to my daughter, and it needs to stop.”

Disgusting..? You freeze, your grip loosening on her arm. Was what you did really... disgusting? It really wasn’t, was it? You were just...

Mrs Choi has a strong reaction to that word too. “Disgusting? Like what?”

Your mother folds her arms. “I caught him kissing her outside my house. And apparently that wasn’t the first time.”

Her eyes narrow, and she shoots a look over her shoulder at Saeyoung. You can’t see the face she makes, but from the way Saeyoung goes white, it must be really scary. “Oh, really...”

No. No! Saeyoung’s gonna get hurt because of you! “No, it wasn’t his idea!” you burst out. “It was my fault, all mine! Mrs-”

“Don’t lie,” your mother cuts you off sharply. “It couldn’t have been your idea, because I didn’t raise you to get ideas like that. Like I said,” she continues to Mrs Choi cooly, “I personally don’t care about how you choose to live, but if you don’t keep that boy away from my daughter, you might be getting a visit from the authorities.”

Mrs Choi’s lip curls at the threat. “Oh, don’t you worry,” she replies icily. “I’ll make sure you don’t see him anymore. Have a great day.” And with that, she slams the door shut- but you just barely hear a growl of “Come here, you little shit-”

“Saeyoung!” You lunge for the door, trying desperately to open it, to break it down, to do anything to save him, but your mother catches you by the waist and starts dragging you back. “No- no, please, you can’t let her- mommy-!”

“That’s enough out of you,” she hisses. “You’ve embarrassed me enough for one day. We’re going home.”

“But she’s gonna hurt him- you can’t let her hurt him-”

She hmphs. “I certainly hope she does. Some children need a firmer hand than others. Thank god you’re not like him.”

“Saeyoung!” You worm a hand free, reaching out towards the house that’s getting further and further away. He’ll be okay, right? He has to be okay. He has to. But what if..?

“Saeyoung!”

This is all your fault. He would’ve been fine if it wasn’t for you.

You should’ve never gone out on that roof.

“SAEYOUNG!”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it seems you guys didn't enjoy all the angst of the last chapter  
> WELP GET READY FOR MORE  
> this one is shorter so it might not hurt as much?
> 
> (side note: i wanted to post this earlier today but ao3 decided to be a butt)

You haven’t seen Saeyoung in a whole day. 

Your mom taped a thick piece of cardboard over your window so that you couldn’t go out there anymore. She’s also keeping a closer eye on you to make sure you don’t do anything without her permission. She also yelled at you. But you don’t really care about any of that. Why would you, when you know Saeyoung got so much worse?

And it’s all your fault. You curl up on your bed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“(Y/N)? Hey, are you there?”

Wait... is that..?

Your heart thuds loudly at the sound of that familiar voice. Out of habit, you jump up to go talk to him- but stop when you see the cardboard. 

“Hey, come on! I can’t see you, so you have to say something.”

You know you should ignore him, but you push back a sniffle and say, quietly, “What are you doing here?”

“There you are! Hey, are you okay? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

You stare wide-eyed at the cardboard. Is he... is he trying to be funny? Right now? “Me? What do you mean, me?! What about you?!”

There’s a pause, then you hear him laugh. “What, that? That was nothing! You didn’t have to worry about me!”

“Yes, I did!” Wait, you’re yelling. You can’t yell or your mom will come. “Yes, I did,” you repeat in a quieter voice. “I was so scared, Saeyoung. I’m still too scared to even see what happened to you... because of me.” Maybe it’s a good thing your mom boarded up your window. 

When Saeyoung speaks again, his voice is quieter. “Hey, remember what I said? You don’t have to cry for me, okay? No matter what happens, I can be happy if you just keep smiling.”

The words that at first made you so happy and warm, now fill you with a cold sick feeling. No matter what happens..? Is that really okay? You want Saeyoung to be happy more than anything... but you want him to stop getting hurt too. 

And there’s only one way to do that.

“You should stop talking to me.”

“...huh? What are you talking about?”

This is it. This is the best way you can protect him. The only way. “I’m not talking to you anymore,” you tell him, climbing back into bed. “Ever. So leave me alone.”

“What does that mean?” he insists. “Hey- hey, come on!” 

He taps on the glass- the sound almost echoes in your head. You dig deep under your blanket to hide, pressing your hands over your ears and squeezing your eyes shut.

“Listen, please don’t go.” His voice is shaking. “I’ll be okay, really! If I have you, I can do anything! Please don’t leave me!”

Tears stream down your cheeks, but you force yourself not to say anything. You’re doing the right thing.

“Are you still there? Just say something, please! Hello?”

You’re doing the right thing... so why does it hurt?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder if we should take a break from the angst.... nah

You haven’t seen Saeyoung in two days.

You still hear him, though. The moment you get back into your room, he starts talking again. “Hey, welcome back! How was school?”

You freeze, staring at the cardboard. He’s acting all happy again, like nothing’s wrong. He didn’t forget everything, did he? Or... is this a plan to make you talk to him again? He really just doesn’t understand...

Realizing you’re not going to answer, he tries again. “Okay, got any homework for me?”

You do, actually- a new kind of math problem that has you confused. But you can’t ask him. You can’t. With a soft sigh you pull out your workbook, preparing to suffer through it alone.

But you can’t focus.

“So guess what? Me and Saeran went out for ice cream today, and we got your favorite~! Want some?”

The thought of ice cream does make your mouth water, but you don’t say a word. Why is he making this hard? Why can’t he understand you’re doing this for him?

There’s silence. Maybe he’s given up? You feel kinda glad, but also really guilty.

Then he says, “Saeran’s been wondering where you are. I didn’t tell him what happened, because he wouldn’t understand. But he misses you a lot. Me, too.”

You bite your lip hard and say nothing.

“Hey, you... you can’t ignore me forever. You just can’t.”

You say nothing.

“I mean, we’re still gonna get married when we grow up, right? ...right?”

Nothing.

There’s silence for a long time after that. You almost think Saeyoung’s given up when he says, “So for our wedding, I was thinking we should-”

It’s too much. You jump off the bed to grab your headphones.

Saeyoung’s voice fades away into classical music- boring, but it works. You shove down the sick sad feeling in your chest and try to focus on your homework.  
Whenever you pull an earbud out to check, he’s still talking. So you force yourself to stop checking. You’re forcing yourself a lot these days.

When did your lip start bleeding?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's switch up this bleak scenario, shall we?

You haven’t seen Saeyoung in three days. 

It’s late at night. You should be sleeping, but you can’t. You curl up on top of your bed quietly, wrapped in your favorite blanket, and stare at the window.   
You miss Saeyoung. You’ve been trying not to, but you do. You miss how happy he made you feel. Talking to him was like standing under the sun. And now you’ve pushed him away.

A soft tap sounds at your window. “Hey. Are you there?”

No. Not again. You don’t know if you can take it.

“I mean, I know you’re there, I can see your light on.”

You whimper and bury your head in your pillow. Please don’t....

“I know you’re not gonna say anything, so I’m just gonna talk at you, okay? I mean, maybe you’re not listening, but...I’ll just talk anyway.”

You sit up, staring at the window. You might as well hear what he has to say. You can at least do that.

He sucks in a breath. “So for the longest time, my life has been... kinda sucky. All I did every day was stay away from my mom and take care of Saeran. I didn’t have anything to look forward to, anyone to really talk to. And I was just... really sad, all day every day. But... but then you showed up.”

You? 

“You showed up, and it didn’t matter anymore that my clothes didn’t fit, and that I was always hurting and hungry. Because now I had a friend. I had someone I could smile with. I mean, yeah, there’s Saeran, but with Saeran I always have to worry about keeping us alive. With you... I get to feel normal. I get to feel like... there’s something outside of this horrible place I live in. A future.”

Tears are streaming down your cheeks. He’s right. When he says it like that, you realize he’s right. Because you feel that way, too.

“So I really mean it when I say I don’t care what happens to me! I don’t care if I’m punished for talking to you! Because when I’m talking to you, it’s the happiest I’ve ever felt! So please... I don’t want to be selfish, but... please don’t take that away!”

Your fingers are closing around the cardboard before you even realize you’ve jumped up. The tape stretches for a minute, but gives way under your desperate tugging and you crash to the floor.

“(Y-Y/N)..?”

Saeyoung is staring at you through the open window, his eyes wet and teary. You shove the cardboard aside, sniffling, and pull him into a hug. “I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...”

It’s been three days without Saeyoung, and you can’t stand any more. 

“(Y/N)? What’s all that noise?”

You freeze, glancing behind you. It’s your mom. Your mom is coming. She’s gonna see you with Saeyoung, and-

“Come on!”

“...huh?”

Saeyoung stretches out his hand to you, his golden eyes almost glowing in the dark. “Hurry! Come outside and let’s run away!”

...run away?

Can you really do that?

You’ve thought about it a few times- about just not coming home from school... but this feels different. Scary. “Saeyoung...”

He reaches out even further. “You won’t have to worry about anything anymore! I’m gonna take you away from here!”

You stare at his hand, biting your lip. “But is it okay to just..?”

Then your bedroom door opens, and you freeze. Oh no. Oh no, she’s here, and you-

“(Y/N)? What is going...” She trails off as her eyes land on Saeyoung- and harden. “You again?”

Your eyes automatically fill with tears again. “Mom, don’t-”

“Get away from the window,” your mom says cooly, taking a step forward. “I shouldn’t have left you alone. But don’t worry, this won’t be a problem for long.”

“You leave her alone!” Saeyoung yells back. “I’m not gonna let you hurt her anymore!”

Every part of you is begging you to just do what your mom says. But still you stay there, frozen. Uncertain. 

What if, just once..?

She realizes what you’re thinking and her eyes narrow. “Don’t you dare go with that boy-”

You grab Saeyoung’s hand and let him pull you out the window.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you miss me? yeah you did. have an extra long chapter.

The morning sun shines through the stained glass window, landing on your face. You groan, covering your eyes and rolling over- and squeak as you almost fall off. Since when has your bed been this small? And aren’t there curtains on the window?

Then you actually open your eyes, and last night comes back to you.

That’s right. You’re not in your bed. You’re curled up on one of the wooden benches in the back of the church. Because you ran away with Saeyoung last night.

You sit up, stretching a little, and look over. Saeyoung is curled up next to you in a tight little ball. Last night he’d given you his hoodie for warmth, since you’d left in your pajamas. But now wasn’t he the one cold?

You lean over and poke his cheek until he wakes up with a snort.

“Wh-huh?” His eyes snap open, looking around frantically for a moment, before they rest on you. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hi,” you reply, scooting back to give him some space.

He yawns loudly, stretching his arms up towards the ceiling. “Hi. Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I guess...” Your back kinda hurts, but you don’t want to complain. “Um, are you sure it was okay for us to be in here?”

Saeyoung shrugs, ruffling his hair. “It’s a church. You’re supposed to be always welcome.”

“But what if-” You drop your voice to a whisper- “what if the pastor wakes up?” Where does the pastor sleep, anyway? Maybe he has a foldable bed on the stage. You kinda want to see it.

“Well, we’re gonna leave before he does!” He scoots off the bench. “Come on, are you hungry?”

You’re actually very hungry. You haven’t been eating much the last couple days, since you’ve been so upset. But food comes from the fridge, and there aren’t any fridges around here, so you’re not sure how Saeyoung’s going to fix that.

Saeyoung doesn’t take you to a fridge, or even to a grocery store. Instead he takes you to a house you’ve never seen before, and rings the doorbell.

After a moment, the door swings open and an old lady steps out. She peers around for a moment in confusion, then finally looks down, and her face lights up. “Oh, Saeyoung! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, dear.”

He waves. “Morning, Mrs Lee. I brought a friend today, I hope that’s okay...” He squeezes your hand in his.

“Well, of course! The more the merrier!” She smiles brightly at you, before stepping back from the door. “Come in, come in- I was just about to finish breakfast.”

You cling tightly to Saeyoung’s hand as Mrs Lee leads you into her her house. She shuffles into the kitchen, humming to herself as she begins to cook, and you and Saeyoung hang around curiously.

“Who is she?” you whisper, watching her closely. She seems okay, but looks can be wrong.

“She’s this lady I met at the church,” Saeyoung whispers back. “All her kids are grown up, so she gets lonely sometimes. I only come here when I couldn’t get any money from my mom.”

“Your mom gives you money?”

“No-”

“And there we are!” Mrs Lee comes back, cutting off your conversation. She sets down two steaming yellow omelettes. Your mouth waters. Wow, you’re really hungry after all!

“Wow,” cheers Saeyoung, his eyes shining. “Thanks, Mrs Lee!”

“Thank you, Mrs Lee,” you repeat, still a little shy around her. She’s a stranger, after all.

She chuckles. “Of course, of course!” She sits down across from both of you with nothing but a cup of tea. The two of you dig in. The omelette is good, and you are hungry, but it’s a little weird to eat with Mrs Lee just watching you. But she doesn't seem to be doing anything weird right now, so you let it go.

Finally she sets down her cup and speaks. “Saeyoung, dear... I just want to make sure you know you’re always welcome here.”

Saeyoung pauses, then swallows his bite. “Yeah, I know, Mrs Lee,” he replies. “That’s why I always come back.”

“Well, that’s not quite what I mean.” She looks at him carefully. “This is such a big house, you know. And your life at home isn’t... the best.”

Saeyoung has stopped eating completely. You have too- you feel like this is a private talk, like you shouldn’t be here.

Mrs Lee reaches out and places a hand on Saeyoung’s shoulder. “I know I keep saying this, but I’d like to do more to help you. So why won’t you come stay with me? I’ll be able to handle all the important grown-up stuff. And of course, your little friend is welcome to visit at any time,” she adds, smiling at you. “Like I said before, you’d get to go to school, and have lots of toys...”

Saeyoung is quiet again, for a long moment. You stare at him nervously, wondering what he's going to do... and then he smiles. He looks up at her and smiles, in a way you now know isn’t real. “Thanks, Mrs Lee! But we couldn’t do that! You help so much, and we wouldn’t want to cause trouble for you.”

“You really wouldn’t be any trouble-”

“Me and Saeran are gonna be just fine, so you really don’t have to worry so much. Anyway, thank you for breakfast!” He pushes back from his chair, moving away from her hand. Half of his omelette is still leftover.

You bite your lip, not sure if you should say something but wanting to try. “Hey, Saeyoung...”

“Sorry we couldn’t stay longer,” he continues loudly, grabbing your hand and tugging you to your feet, “but we’ve got a lot to do today! Come on, let’s go!”

Why is he acting like this again? You don’t understand. “Saeyoung-”

“Let’s go,” he repeats firmly, pulling you out the door.

“Just think it over,” Mrs Lee calls after the two of you. She looks sad, but like she’s trying not to show it. “I’ll always be here, Saeyoung. Whenever you’re ready.”


	19. Chapter 19

When you’re far away from the house you finally yank your hand out of Saeyoung’s, glaring at him. “What was that about?”

He shoves his hands into his pockets and keeps walking. “What? Like I said, we’ve got a lot to do today.”

“No, we don’t.” You run to stand in front of him, blocking him off. “Why don’t you let Mrs Lee help you?” You feel bad for thinking she was weird before. She's a nice lady through and through.

Saeyoung shrugs. “I already let her help me.”

You stick your hands on your hips. “You know what I mean. Why don’t you and Saeran live with her?”

He shrugs again. “I don’t know. I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“I just don’t want to. We’re doing fine on our own.” He pauses, then suddenly brightens up. “Hey, you wanna go to the park? It’s really sunny out and-”

“No,” you say firmly, stopping him as he tries to rush past you. “We’re gonna talk about this.” You're tired of Saeyoung trying to run when things get too hard. Some things need to be talked about.

Saeyoung is clearly getting upset, but he doesn’t try to distract you again. Instead he crosses his arms and stares at the ground.

Okay. What could be the problem here? You try to think. “Is... is something wrong with Mrs Lee?” you ask nervously. “Like, is she creepy, or mean?”

Saeyoung looks up, his eyes widening. “What? No! No, she really is a nice lady!” He looks shocked that you’d even say something like that, and you feel bad again.

“Okay, then... is her family mean?”

He shrugs once again. “I don’t know! I told you, nobody lives with her anymore. I haven’t even met her kids.”

You tilt your head to one side. “So if she’s nice, and she wants to take care of you, then why don’t you want to live with her?”

Saeyoung’s face scrunches up. He starts digging into the dirt with his toe, focusing on the hole. “I do,” he admits quietly. “I do want to live with her. But...”

“But?” you ask after he doesn’t say anything for a long while.

He swallows and hugs himself tight. “But... we’re gonna cause her trouble.”

You frown. There he goes with that ‘cause her trouble’ thing again. “How? You’re not bad kids, and she really likes taking care of you, so-”

“That’s not what I mean!”

Your eyes widen as you realize Saeyoung has started to cry. Tears roll down his cheeks and drip into his shirt. 

“If we go live with Mrs Lee,” he says, his voice trembly, “then our mom can’t protect us anymore. If we leave her, he’s gonna find us.”

“Who’s gonna find you?” you ask in a soft voice, taking a step forward. 

He doesn’t seem to hear you. “He’s gonna find us... and he’s gonna find us with Mrs Lee... and then he’s gonna hurt her, and she’s so nice, and...”  
You can’t hold back anymore and rush forward to hug him. He collapses into your arms, crying hard. 

Who is this horrible person Saeyoung and Saeran are so scared of? “Who is it?” you whisper, petting his curls. 

But he shakes his head against your shoulder. “No... I can’t... I don’t want to say it...”

You don’t want to push him anymore. “Okay, then how’s he gonna find you?”

“He’s super powerful,” he tells you. “He’s got all these people working for him, so he can do anything he wants...” 

This person sounds so terrifying that you almost don’t think he’s real- like a monster in the closet. But if he is real, you don’t want to meet him.

“So we can’t go to Mrs Lee,” Saeyoung continues. “We can’t go to anybody, they’ll just get hurt. So we’ve gotta stay with Mom. Nobody can save us, nobody!”

As he starts crying again, you press your lips together, thinking hard. What to do?

You don’t know exactly what the danger is. But it’s so bad that no adults can help. Saeyoung and Saeran think they’re safer with their mom, but... you think about the bruises on Saeyoung’s arm, and the cut on Saeran’s head. No. They can’t stay there. 

There’s only one thing to do.

“You have to run away.”

Saeyoung freezes in your arms. Then he pulls away to stare at you. “Run away..?”

You nod firmly. “Yeah. If nobody can save you, then you’ve gotta save yourself. You’ve gotta go somewhere far away, where nobody can find you.” That's the only way. 

He frowns, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “But... how..?” Then he pauses, his eyes slowly growing wide. “The train.” 

The train station at the edge of town. You’ve never been there by yourself, but you know how to get there. 

“Yeah,” he repeats, “we can go on the train.” His face is glowing now- the Saeyoung you know is coming back. “And go to a city far away-”

“And live in a little house,” you agree, bouncing on your heels, “all by ourselves, with no adults-”

“Where we don’t have to be scared of anything anymore!”

Yes. Yes! You’ve daydreamed about running away a few times before, but now with Saeyoung and Saeran it might actually be possible. 

“Then I have to go back there,” Saeyoung says suddenly. But he isn’t scared anymore; he looks determined. “Just for a little, to get Saeran. And maybe I can get money and food and stuff.”

Right. Your heart is pounding with excitement. “I’ll come with you,” you tell him.

Saeyoung pauses at this, looking unsure. “Um, I don’t know,” he says slowly, glancing away. “Why don’t you go to the park, and we’ll meet you there?”

That sounds like a horrible idea. “No!” You reach out and grab his hand, holding tight. “I’m not leaving you alone anymore, okay?”

His brows furrow. “But your mom-”

You shake your head fiercely. “I’m not scared of her!" you insist. "Not as long as you’re here, Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung bites his lip, but places his hand over yours and squeezes back. “Okay. Then I’m not leaving you alone, either.”

Even then he still looks nervous, so you add in, “It’ll be okay! Don’t forget, we have to get married someday.”

That works- he breaks into a smile. “Right. I promised you, didn’t I?”

“Right!” 

You meant what you said. You’re not scared of anything anymore. You’re not even worried about how the three of you are going to live. You and Saeyoung and Saeran are going to start a brand new life together, and nothing’s going to stand in the way of that.

You’ve never been happier in your whole life.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry y'all, college is kicking my ass. and that hurricane tho. anyway i wanted this to be the last chapter but we're gonna have to split this sucker up

You said you weren’t scared, but still... as you see your house coming into view, you suddenly feel cold and small. Maybe this won’t work. Maybe you’re making a mistake. Your mom will be really angry when you get back, maybe you should-

But then Saeyoung squeezes your hand again, and you breathe. No. Things are different now. You’re not going back there, you don’t have to be scared anymore.

All the same, you say, “Let’s go to your house first.”

Saeyoung doesn’t ask why, he just nods. “My mom’s usually asleep around this time,” he tells you, carefully pushing his front door open. “But we should still be really quiet.”

Saeran is sitting alone in the twins’ bedroom, tied to the bedpost and whimpering quietly to himself. The moment he looks up and sees you two, his face crumples. “S-Saeyoung... I thought...”

“Shh...” Saeyoung drops everything to go hug his brother, and you follow right behind him. Saeran bursts into tears. “Hey, it’s okay,” Saeyoung whispers, holding him tight. “I’m sorry for leaving you behind. Guess what- we’re getting out of here tonight! But you’ve gotta help us, okay? Hang on, I’ll get you out of those.”

Saeran sniffles as Saeyoung starts working on the rope. “Getting out of here? But how? And where are we going? And what about...”

“There!” The ropes fall free, and Saeyoung tugs his brother to his feet. “Come on, let’s go get our stuff.”

Saeran’s eyes are wide and worried. “But Saeyoung, Mom-”

“You don’t have to be scared of Mom anymore,” Saeyoung says firmly, placing his hands on Saeran’s shoulders. “Or of anything! I always protect you, don’t I?”

“Y-yeah...”

“And I’m gonna protect you too,” you chime in, making Saeran look over at you. “We’re all gonna be together now, okay?”

He swallows, but nods. “Yeah. Okay. Together.” Then he smiles, a tiny Saeran smile.

With the three of you working together, you clear the Choi house of anything that might be helpful on your journey. Just like Saeyoung expected, their mom is passed out on the couch. She doesn’t move a muscle, even when Saeyoung shoves his hand into her purse.

In the hallway closet, you find two schoolbags, and decide to use them to carry all the stuff you’re taking. Saeran offers to carry one. You carry the other one.

“This one actually used to be Saeyoung’s,” he tells you as Saeyoung heads into the kitchen to look for food. “Back when we went to school.”

Oh yeah, you remember Saeyoung saying something like that before. “You went to school too?”

Saeran bites his lip. “Yeah... but I didn’t really like it. Nobody talked to us.”

You know how that can be. You didn’t really get to make friends at school, either. “Well, when we get to this new place,” you say, trying to cheer him up, “I bet you’ll get to meet all kinds of people!”

“Maybe...”

Saeyoung comes back then, his arms full of snacks. “This is what I found in the pantry,” he says as you unzip Saeran’s schoolbag. He piles in the snacks, and then you all crowd around to look. It only just covers the bottom of the bag. 

“This isn't a lot,” Saeran points out, looking nervous. “The money’s not a lot either, Saeyoung...”

“Yeah...” Saeyoung looks at you seriously, and your throat tightens. You know what this means.

You have to look for more stuff in your own house.

And you knew this would happen. You were ready for this- are ready for this. It’ll be quick and easy, just like the Choi’s house. There's nothing to worry about.

“Okay,” you tell them, steeling yourself, “let’s go.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> til that i am chronically allergic to finishing stories and i have to literally kick my own ass to do so  
> anyway are you guys ready for a happy, satisfying ending?
> 
> too bad

This is it. The moment you knew would come. The moment you face your mom.

You would be scared, but Saeran and Saeyoung’s hands press on your shoulders, reminding you that you’re not alone. Maybe with them, it’ll be okay.

Either way, you have to do this. Taking a deep breath, you pull your front door open with a shaking hand. 

Nobody’s there. 

That’s... weird. You’d almost expected your mom to be standing there, arms folded and an angry glare on her face. But she’s not.It’s almost worse that she wasn’t right there from the start. Now you tiptoe nervously into the house, waiting for her to pop up around the next corner. But she never shows up. Where is she? She never hid from you, she never had to. 

Suddenly thought hits you. You rush to the garage door, the twins at your heels, and pull it open- and your eyes widen. 

The car is gone.

“She’s not here,” you realize. All the panicky tightness in your chest rushes out of you like a balloon. There’s nothing for you to worry about. She’s not even home. “She’s gone,” you repeat, unable to believe how lucky you are. “She’s not here!”

“So where is she?” Saeran asks from behind you.

“Who cares?” You slam the door shut, dashing past them back into the house. “Come on, let’s hurry!”

She’s not even here. You should think it’s weird, but you don’t. You’re just so happy that you don’t have to face her. You don’t even have to see her! 

Of course, since she’s not here her wallet isn’t either, so you can’t take any more money. But there’s way better food at your house, like fruit and rice and juice boxes. You also grab some of her jewelry just to be safe. Maybe you can sell it for money after you get to the new town. 

“Is there anything else we can get?” Saeyoung asks as the three of you meet back up in the living room.

You shake your head. Even if there was more you could get, your bags couldn’t hold much more. “Did we get enough for the train?”

Saeran bites his lip. “I dunno. How much is the train?”

“We’ll see when we get there,” Saeyoung tells you bravely. “Come on-”

And then you hear a sound. The worst sound you could possibly hear. 

The garage door is opening. Your mom is home.

For a few seconds, you and Saeyoung and Saeran are frozen. Your heart is pounding again. No. This can’t happen. Not when you were so close. 

“Hide,” Saeyoung hisses, and the three of you scatter. You shut yourself into the laundry room, leaving the door open just a crack. You see Saeyoung and Saeran crawl into the space between the couches, scrunching down into the tiniest balls. 

Your mom steps into the house, slamming the door shut. Your throat tightens the moment you see her, but you push it down. It’s okay. She’s going to go upstairs probably, and then the three of you can leave. 

But she doesn’t go upstairs. Instead her gaze lands on something on the living room floor. She goes over to pick it up, and your heart sinks. One of the twins dropped a schoolbag. Now she knows someone’s here. 

Her lips press together, and she stares around the room with new eyes. And then she catches something, and she starts walking again. Heading for the couches.

Right where Saeyoung and Saeran are.

She’s gonna find them.

You can’t let that happen, no matter what.

Swallowing hard, you open the door and loudly say, “Mom.”

She hears you, and turns. Your whole body starts to shake as her gaze lands on you, but you force yourself not to move. You’re not scared.

“Oh, there you are,” she says, and her voice is colder than you’ve ever heard it. “So you decided to come back?”

You curl your hands into fists as she takes a step towards you, then another step. “No,” you tell her, trying to sound brave. “No, I’m not coming back. I... I’m running away.”

Her eyebrow arches. “Running away? To your little friend’s house?”

You shake your head. “Further. We’re going far away, where nobody can find us. Not even you.” You’re not scared. You’re not scared at all.

She stops. Stares at you. She almost looks... hurt. You stare back, your chest heaving, your nails digging into your palms. You’re not scared you’re not scared you’re not scared. 

Then she asks, in a quiet voice, “Why?”

Why..? The question startles you. She’s never asked you ‘why’ before. 

“Why?” she repeats, sharper, and now she’s angry. “What reason could you possibly have to run away? After everything I’ve done for you?” She lunges forward and grabs your wrist tight, dragging you forward to face her.

You cry out in pain, trying desperately to escape her grip. “Mom... Mommy, you’re hurting me...” 

“What do you mean, I’m hurting you? When have I ever hurt you?” she snaps, grabbing your shoulder and shaking you hard. “Why are you suddenly convinced that I’m some horrible monster?”

“I didn’t say you’re a monster! I said you’re hurting me!”

“I sacrificed everything for you, and now suddenly you hate me? Because of me, you don’t know what hurt is!”

“Let her go!” 

You’d almost forgotten Saeyoung was here, but he wiggles out from the couch and comes charging towards your mom. He claws at her hand, tugging desperately at it- and then gasps as she grabs a fistful of his hair.

“You,” she hisses at him, glaring with this almost hate in her eyes. “My daughter was perfectly fine before she met you. And I’m going to fix what you caused.” 

With one hand in his hair and another hand on your wrist, she starts dragging you both towards the front door again. You’re sobbing, tears streaming down your face as you struggle, but nothing works. You can’t lie anymore. You are scared. Saeyoung is here and you’re still scared. You catch a glimpse of Saeran’s face from under the couch, pale and terrified. 

Then your mom flings Saeyoung into the hall closet.

The door slams shut, and locks. You scream. Saeyoung is screaming too. Your mom is picking you up, tucking you under her arm as she storms into the garage. You cling to the wall, to the doorknob, to everything you can, but she just worms your hands free over and over. You’re scared you’re scared you’re so scared

Your head cracks against the car door and you black out.

\--

When you open your eyes again, you’re in your seatbelt and the car is pulling out of the driveway. Your throat hurts from screaming and your chest hurts from crying, so you don’t anymore. You don’t want to do anything anymore. You failed. You don’t know why you even tried.

And then you hear a voice scream your name, faint but still clear, and you turn to look out the back window.

It’s Saeyoung. Saeyoung is running after the car. Saeran is running with him too, but he falls behind, tripping and landing on the pavement. But Saeyoung keeps going. Even when he trips, even when branches snag at his clothes, he keeps going. He keeps running after you.

He’s still running even as the car turns the corner and he’s lost in the dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be an epilogue probably please don't hate me


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said there'd be an epilogue, didn't i?

“Alright girls, good job again today!”

“Thanks, Eomma!”

You wave goodbye to the other girls, in the midst of pulling your boots on to head home. Your plush sweater and thick tights are a welcome change from your slightly creepy uniform. Working in a maid cafe isn’t the job you would’ve chosen for yourself when you were 9, but you can’t really complain. It pays the bills, for the most part, and the other girls aren’t terrible to work with either. And anything’s better than where you were.

After being shipped miles away to your grandma’s house as a kid, you’d pretty much given on trying to run away again. You had nowhere to go, and no way to get there. But in high school, you found a solution to both those problems. After graduation, you hitched a ride with a friend to Seoul and never looked back. You’re finally free.

Wrapping your arms tightly around your body, you set off down the darkened street. It’s getting colder, autumn fading away to make way for the new year. You tilt your head back, watching your breath escape into the night sky. The brightest star catches your attention, and you focus on it, sucking in a breath. Secretly, deep down... you can’t help wishing that something would happen this next year. Something incredible, something life-changing, or at the very least, something noteworthy. And for once, something good.

“Oh!”

And, probably because you were staring up at the sky and not looking where you were going, you end up crashing into someone. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, I-” Your voice dies in your throat as you see the person you knocked onto the sidewalk. It’s a boy, maybe about your age, but looking incredibly out of place in the downtown Seoul streets. His hair is dyed snowy white, the tips stained pink, and his eyes are an almost mesmerizing mint green. Those eyes are now staring at you, steadily growing wider and wider.

The weirdest part is that he seems... familiar somehow. But you can’t quite place it. You know you’d remember seeing someone so weird-looking before, but it’s just not coming to you.

“It’s you,” he whispers finally. “You’re...”

So he recognizes you too..? You search your memory desperately for his face, trying to figure out why he looks so familiar. “I... I’m sorry, where..?”

Then you look down and realize your bag spilled all over the sidewalk.

Cursing under your breath, you get to your knees and start picking everything up. To your surprise, the boy starts helping you. “I’m sorry,” you begin genuinely, shoving makeup and coins into your bag. “I think I know you too, I just can’t completely remember-” Your phone is missing. It was in your bag, wasn’t it? “I’m sure if you tell me where we met it’ll come back to me, or...”

“It’s okay,” the boy says, though when you sneak a look at his face, his eyes seem pained. “It’s okay that you don’t remember. It was a long time ago, and I wasn’t very memorable, anyway...”

That just makes you feel even worse. “No, really, if I just hear your name I’m sure- oh my god where is my phone-” Out of options, you start digging in a nearby snowbank. You can’t lose your phone. You paid good money that you don’t have for that phone.

“Here.”

When you look up, the strange boy is offering your phone to you. There’s a faint smile on his thin lips, one that tugs at your memory in a way you can’t explain. You think you knew a boy who smiled like that. “I’m really sorry...” You take your phone, climbing to your feet. 

He does as well. “No, really, don’t worry.” His eyes almost seem to glitter. “I’m sure we’ll meet again, and maybe then you’ll remember me. Goodnight.” 

With a final wave, he sets off down the street. You stare after him for a moment, frowning a little. You’re so sure you know him from somewhere, but it’s just not coming to you. That’s going to bug you for days now, you just know it. Oh well...

You pull out your phone, opening it up to make sure it’s not damaged, and pause. There’s a new app on your homescreen that you don’t remember downloading. You squint, trying to read the title.

RFA Messenger..?

Curiosity overcoming common sense, you open it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cue mystic messenger theme
> 
> anyway, i'd like to thank everyone for sticking with me through this fic, even though i know it took me a while to update a lot of the time. i'm proud of myself for seeing this to the end for once. hopefully i made something that people enjoyed, and i'll be able to make more stories in the future!
> 
> see ya~


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